I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
