By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
