If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
