He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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