Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize