I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
