I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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