I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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