I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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