I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
