i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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