Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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