Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
