and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize