i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
