We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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