either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
