I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
