The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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