$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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