so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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