It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
