Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
