im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize