i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
