True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
