Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
