the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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