Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
