Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm really busy with my period
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