He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
