lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
