Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
