first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
