I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
