Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
