I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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