I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
