Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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