i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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