i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
