sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize