Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
