Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
