i think my mom watched the whole time
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
