White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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