I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
