Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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