OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
