i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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