I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
