Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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