the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this will be a night to untag.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
