ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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