Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
