Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize