As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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