It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
