i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
