I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
