I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
