Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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