do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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