So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
