You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
