call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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