I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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