i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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