6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
