i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
