i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize