we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
