i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
