sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
