What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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