I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize