he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
