and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
